You have probably heard people say;
“Girls like to play hard to get” Or “A man who doesn’t touch you when you sleep on the same bed are gay!”
But is this really true for all cases?
Occasionally, we would hear news of harassment and rape cases amongst students, even among campus couples as well. The tertiary school environment has created an atmosphere that creates an opportunity to cultivate intersexual relationships.
From casual interactions like “FWB; friends with benefits” to long lasting relationships that sometimes end up in marriages, different kinds of relationships can be found in schools.
There’s a popular narrative amongst many, that being in a relationship with someone gives them unlimited right to sex, but how true is it?
What is consent?
Consent can be described as the given permission for something to happen or an agreement to give away a thing permanently or for a period of time.
There are usually two important parties to note where consent is concerned;
• The giver; the original owner
• The receiver
This simply means that for something to be given away, the original owner, that is, the giver must give consent. Consent is necessary for things as common as borrowing money or even clothing. So it’s no surprise that something as personal and important sex should be carried out with clear intent and consent from both parties.
Even though the topic of consent is mostly brought up to defend females and give them the right to deny or consent to any and all sexual acts, it is important to note that any party involved, whether male or female has the right to either express consent or resist any sexual advances that they feel uncomfortable with.
When someone says No it means No!
This is common knowledge.
Consent in Relationships
Do you need to ask for permission before sleeping with your girlfriend/boyfriend?
Consent amongst people who have unclear relationships, like friendships, FWB, or One night stands should be verbal and clear especially since there was never any special connection to establish trust between the parties before the sexual activity. With Partners, there is a difference !
When you’re in a relationship with someone, it means that you have established a level of trust that allows you to be so comfortable with each other that certain acts that would be considered offensive when done by a stranger, will simply be normal.
If your girlfriend puts on your hoodie without asking first, you clearly won’t have a problem with it!
And if your boyfriend kisses you on the forehead out of the blue, rather that complain, most girls will blush at the act.
This is because the the title of the relationship as helped you establish a balance that makes you comfortable with each other.
So when the relationship is this good, How do you know not to cross a line ?
There are a few ways to know whether or not your partner consents to something, a few of them include:
- Communicate with them
It might seem out of style and like most people say, ‘it would ruin the mood’, but what could be more important than making sure that your partner is comfortable. Asking them straight up is the best way to make sure you’re not doing anything wrong.
- Pay attention to their responses
It’s very easy to know when someone doesn’t want something. From their facial expressions to their body language, people have different tells.
Look out for these reactions when kissing or touching begins, if there is even the slightest bit of resistance, then you should pull back and discuss, because whatever happens when resistance is ignored can lead to regret later.
So for those of you who like to say “ girls like playing hard to get!” Or “If a guy doesn’t sleep with me, he’s gay”
Learn consent!
When a person says NO, respect their decisions whether they’re your boyfriend/girlfriend or not.
